So in preparation for the big season o’weddings this summer, I plotted out a precise schedule for how I was going to get tan, get in shape and get sexy for the big events. Gottsto look good.

So here’s how my weekend broke down. Went all the way to Rochester to go out on the boat and work on that bronze sheen. Got all the way out to the middle of the lake before I realized one of my fingers had turned black and fallen off from frost bite. I don’t think I took my sweatshirt off once the whole day, except the time I had to jump in the water because I had to pee and I couldn’t hold it any longer. That only stopped my lungs from functioning for about 30 seconds, and then my body went into shock from the frigid waters and I couldn’t feel anything anymore. But Sunday was beautiful – when I was in the car driving back to New York! I’m bringing pastey back, that’s all there is to it.

Also, to keep up the spirit of my getting in shape and looking trim plan. I had turkey sausage, potato salad, a turkey hot dog and a veggie burger yesterday. And I nearly hyperventilated when I had to walk up the 4 steps to get to the car in the driveway.

Dude, I’m going to look so good.